Friday, 21 August 2009

• Currently Phobia By Breaking Benjamin see related

  Swingsets and Butterflies

           This is it, it's the official end of my high school years. It's the unfortunate but well timed death of my childhood. I'm going to Peabody, which is the music department of Johns Hopkins University and I feel slightly nervous. Not nervous about being in a new enviroment, I adjust rather easily. But more for the end of those pleasant days, when sitting on a swingset and talking to your best friend were more then enough. It's no longer satisfying, it's not ecstatic as it used to be, it's simply a ritual that I've outgrown and can no longer retreat too. It occured to me that I haven't been faithful to my once daily blogs of xanga, and I suppose that's why I'm on now, typing away, I feel nostalgic and it's the one feeling I cherish and detest.

             To be entirely honest with you I'm not the same boy I was when I used to write my thoughts down. I'm not as confused, or short sighted. I know what I want out of life and all I do is race to acheive it. I used to tell myself that I was only doing it for Aurora because it would be what she wanted, the ode to her that I never really sang. But it was a lie, I admit it. It was a fucking lie. I needed a crutch to lean on, and leaning on someone else's suicide is not the right sort of shoulder. And I suppose I've moved on with my life, I have deceased to depend on that emo girl I called my best friend. She wanted an end to her life, an end to her tale, so why not simply forget her? Why not give her the damnation she was searching for? Why make her death unworthwhile? I have discovered freedom, and I will take it.

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